Reflecting on my journey... a year later...

Okay - so Facebook likes to show you what was on your mind a year ago by displaying your status update...

August 28, 2010 - "Cleaning out the closet today... hoping for mental clarity"
Lots of things went through my head at that moment...

• Seriously? It's been a year already? 
• WOW! I never expected this much change in search of mental clarity.
• How many times have I cleaned out my closet since then? What else have I cleaned out hoping for mental clarity?
• Do I really have mental clarity today?

A year ago I unveiled my weightloss and realized that there was still a lot of work ahead - learning more about myself along the way. 

Of course, I could spend this blog focusing on the challenges over the past year. But those are all documented in other postings - so I make this more like a celebration!

Or my typical mental self could focus on self-improvement in search of mental clarity... but I choose to appreciate the journey and not antogonize myself with perfection. This truly has been a lifestyle change and I am a different person because of this journey...

But the journey is never over - so here's a toast to this milestone!

• Challenging or Pushing yourself is important for continuous self-improvement, but achieving balance and harmony in life is where happiness happens.
• You can't love someone until you love yourself unconditionally.
• Don't waste time regretting the past - learn from it.
• Ego and Pride can make for a nasty bike wreck.
• You don't have to go on this journey alone - others have traveled the same road.
• Give back and help others who are starting out on their journey.
• I am an athlete because I pushed myself past self-imposed limits.
• I am a triathlete because someone was a true partner and encouraged me along the way.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage....
Life expands exponentially when someone is beside you during moments of courage.



A Bike and a Bulldozer...

Yes - still on the recent bike injury and recovery...
Despite the success I had in 2010, right now I feel disappointed - in my life, achievement to goals, and with myself.

As I get ready to be medically released, I don't know what I expected.  Knew I wouldn't be back to the way I was before the accident, but didn't expect where I am today.  And I am in shock that my attitude can flip from confident to insecure. Feeling insecure just makes me doubt the success - did I really achieve anything?

Most injured athletes agree that keeping one’s mental balance is both the hardest and the most important aspect of recovery and well-being. But I'm not a real athlete...my livelihood isn't dependent on my recovery.  UGHHHH....

So - my challenge is how to maintain perspective when my mind is making mincemeat of my confidence and future goals.  See - there's me and that goal thing again... now it's a sense of uncertainty that I will really have any more goals for the future.  So because I couldn't make this goal of completing a triathlon, should I give up on all goals? Better yet - will I ever get on the bike again.

Why am I letting this bother me? Because up to this point, I really didn't have any problems that I couldn't just "bulldoze" my way through.  I kept my head down and just pushed ahead - sometimes at unsafe speeds...

I thought I had made the approriate reflection time during recovery, but as I try to get back into the groove - I can't just pick up where I left off.  I can't do the same things, my body hurts more, oh... and dieting is harder. 

As the message gets stronger, so the journey continues - self-acceptance.  Time for me to learn to accept who I am and where I am today. I'll trade the bulldozer to be a better mom... but the bike - well... I guess stay tuned. 

New approach to being fearless...

Sometimes my best inspiration comes 30,000 feet in the air - the best time to think and reflect.

Since the bike wreck in April and shoulder surgery in May, I've struggled with life. I've never been stopped like that, everything around me came to a stop - work, kids, friends, and love life. Well, as I write this, I'm laughing thinking those things came to a crashing halt just like that day on the bike.

So why did I have a bike wreck? Carelessness, not admitting lack of experience, pushing limits without skills. Oh - and maybe I was going too fast. Me? Taking on life too fast? Never....
It's okay as long as I keep telling myself it's to be fearless right?

Was I taking the wrong approach when trying to live fearlessly? I told myself that I was going to find out my true limits - keep pushing until I just couldn't. But why? Was there something to be achieved by doing this? Was I being too hard on myself seeking perfection? Yes - this does seem to fall in line with unrealistic expectations I tend to have for myself.

And I think back on change - a quote I gave a friend. "All things change and we change with them."

Had I given myself enough time to absorb what all I had changed in my life? Had I paid enough attention to those around me and the impact of the change I imposed on them. I was selfish to assume I could continue at the pace I was - all under the false pretense that proactively pushing limits was wise.

So I have a new definition of what living life fearless means to me. It's not about pushing every limit, testing every self-imposed limit every day. There's a balance between appreciating life's journey and knowing when to challenge yourself to be better. So my goal is to learn to accept life's challenges fearlessly. It's time to enjoy life and never take for granted the loved ones in my life.

Fearless? Me? No, not yet...

Okay - this one will be interesting - mental ramblings from an airplane... Some days I'm just amazed at where my brain can wonder.

I've been stressed a little more than usual lately - and discovered that I'm still guilty of living inside my head. Unrealistic expectations have now moved on to doubt - doubting my own abilities with work, parenting, relationships, friendships, and even fitness. When I was in my weightless journey, it was doubt that kept me from making progress. But I somehow made it through that doubt by taking action... So my mental ramblings questioned why can't I get past this doubt I'm feeling now?


Two theories... Or two branches to my decision tree...

Theory One: Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.
So - in this theory, I wonder if I truly know what my goals are? Weightloss goals were easy to conceptualize - calorie deficit equals weightloss... So what are my goals for everything else? Have I been unbalanced in my goal setting, focusing purely on athletic achievements? Wait a minute? Should I have goals for everything? I sometimes go back and read old blog posts and am amazed that they still apply... Found this quote I used - realized, I know I'm on the right road...

When we are sure that we are on the right road there is no need to plan our journey too far ahead. No need to burden ourselves with doubts and fears as to the obstacles that may bar our progress. We cannot take more than one step at a time.


Theory Two:  Transform Fear to Love
Where did love come from? Just follow me... I realized that I'm afraid of failing, afraid Im not completely filling other's expectations of me... And than I found this...

Fear often originates from a sense of not being in control. We use control to manage people and situations that we do not understand or that threaten to expose our lack of self-love.

Ahhhh - that's it... I'm doing this to myself - insecurities, self-imposed inadequacies, lack of self-acceptance, self-limiting beliefs, self-criticism... And this allows me to keep everything in my head - wouldn't want everyone to know I really don't have my life in perfect order.

We need to love more and fear less and for me, that starts with myself...

           

Resiliency requires patience

Me patient? Never... probably why I keep coming back to this topic.  This must obviously be that thing I must overcome in order to find harmony in life.  Yep - I'm going to learn this the hard way... 
I've really struggled lately - feeling discouraged on my progress to this year's goals, overwhelmed by life's chaos, and in general, uneasy with the unpredictable.  Makes a perfect storm for getting discouraged and losing focus on what's really important in life.  I just don't want to fail myself after what I have been able to accomplish...

And when my thought processes went there - those were the magic words. What have I been able to accomplish?

Those close to me may be laughing right now - I always hear what you say, but it takes a little longer for me to understand what you say.  I know I can be quite stubborn.

So when I start to think about my accomplishments - it always goes back to pictures.  So, I'm scrolling through my iPhone pics - and find the first pic of 2011.  My training partner in crime and I were determined to start the year right with our triathlon training - we would run, bike, and swim on 1/1/11.  In our excitement, the key to the lock was in the locker - and the lock had to be cut open. 

And I laughed... I was somehow resilient enough to laugh off this temporary setback in training. I need to look at today the same way.  So I went back and found my goal sheet for events for this year - and laughed again.

I may have set wildly unrealistic expectations on what I could accomplish this year. Did I really think I could complete 7 triathlons this year, in addition to 6 more half marathons and a full marathon? Was life going to stand still so I could accomplish this? 

Even though hopes for any triathlons are sidelined by injury - I just can't let them go.  I know it's denial, but at what point is my determination really just stubbornness.  So I kept scrolling through pics from this year - memories from the first 4 months...

• My daughter's first boyfriend (lasted 1 day - it was too much pressure for him)
• My new training partner in crime - officially making the Amy's Victims Wall
• All the pics of the new me - learning to accept this new size
• 15K Race - First race for the trio of girls
• Divorce Final
• Nike Women's Profile
• My favorite hairdresser and introducing my daughter to her many services
• Cowtown 1/2 Marathon - Trio of girls and my baby brother
• Scrapped knees from bike wrecks
• Adding more friends to Amy's Workout Victims wall
• Eating Blazin Hot wings for son's 18th birthday
• Birthday parties with friends
• Rock 'n Roll Half Marathon for the trio - with all my kids in attendance to cheer me on
• School projects with kids
• Friends supporting me after big bike wreck (still laughing at the training wheels)
• A perfect vacation in Cancun

Suddenly, I felt really stupid for not appreciating the terrific parts of my life and what I have accomplished so far this year. I have to be more resilient when I get discouraged or overwhelmed. Resiliency takes perseverance, persistence, focus on positives, and patience.

I've obviously learned perseverance and persistence to get where I am today in this journey (stubbornness helps I'm sure).  But my resilient bounceback didn't come without leaning on a loved one and friends for support. I needed them to help remind me about what's positive at this moment in time, to help put things into perspective.

I wouldn't want to miss anything terrific with my kids, friends, or family.  So, I'll be patient with my goals for triathlons - patience isn't giving up, just realizing the timeline needs to adjust. 

But I know I will always struggle with high expectations - because I fundamentally believe you become what you expect...  so more lessons in patience will be documented in my mental ramblings. Until then - I will just remind myself - patience isn't giving up.

The tortoise and the hare... my life is a fable

I know it's been a while again. I could do this like confession and pray for forgiveness, but honestly, I've just lacked focus for the last few months. But, inspiration can come in the most random series of thoughts.  Let's see if you can follow my mental ramblings...

I was sitting at my computer stressing about life. How a recent bicycle wreck and injury are messing up with my plans - causing delays... and the thought that crosses my mind was - "I don't like being slowed down."
I have plans and goals with timelines... I don't like not knowing the details...  I don't have patience...   I have unrealistic expectations...

So the next thought deviation was contemplating the difference between "slow, steady, and deliberate" and "fast, inconsistent and hastily." And then that inspirational thought - Oh! Like the Tortoise and the Hare story....

The hare with his foolish overconfidence, napping in the middle of a race.... have I been acting that way? Well - if I choose to live out loud - than I must confess.... I have been a little overconfident, that I can easily tackle any challenge.  But my real fault is thinking that because I successfully changed myself - that all change from this point forward would be easy. So I might have been taking on change - full speed ahead.  Change is never easy if your head isn't in the game and you don't fully understand the journey required. Oh - and the people around you may not be ready for change at hyper-speed!

Triathlons - that was my next athletic hurdle.  Man - did I ever underestimate the focus and training it would require.  And it is hard to admit that I couldn't easily learn two new things (well - at least according to my unrealistic timelines).  I thought raw talent and past successes alone would be enough.  The past few months I have been frustrated that life got in the way and caused me to delay that first triathlon... My strategy to solve this?  More training time means shorter learning curve...

But life had a different plan for me - or a different lesson to learn.  Overconfident in ability and taking life a little too fast... can result in a nice bike wreck. Injury can definitely slow you down...

So time to erase the board and start over on goals... I have to remind myself  - no matter what the speed - the tortoise was always moving ahead. Steady pace... Patience.... Persistence... Perserverance...

"Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did." Newt Gingrich

It's like someone finally turned on the lights...

I know...it's been a while since I last blogged.  Life has been BUSY - and I was obviously missing inspirational writing opportunities by losing focus on the chaos of everyday.  But - here's my latest mental ramblings - it's an emotional week for me - getting ready for another half marathon... I am determined to hit my goal of under 2 hours.

So... in reflecting over the past year, assessing where I can make changes to hit my goal, recognizing my weaknesses, and overall getting my head ready for this race... I am amazed by the fact that I am about to run my 6th race in 5 months... 4th Half Marathon in 5 months! If you would have told me a year ago that I would do these things... I would have laughed. 

The person I am today - is soo far from what I used to be... a friend put it best - she said "It's like someone finally turned on the light in you..."  Okay...now the emotional part - think about that... night and day difference in the person people see me as...  Did I really live life in the dark?

YES! When I look at the life I live now, the experiences, the relationships, how I feel about myself - I feel like my past was dark - pitch black.  Why? Well - wouldn't I make a fortune if I knew an answer that could change everyone's lives...

Here's my answer - what it was for me - and it all starts with a lack of self-confidence.  A lack of self-confidence caused a life with guilt, unrealistic expectations of perfection (yep...that's me...), fear of change, fear of making mistakes, fear that others wouldn't like me...  In all of that - I lived a life that wasn't mine...

"Don't wait until everything is just right.  It will never be perfect.  There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions.  So what.  Get started now.  With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful."

So - now the light has been turned on - I can see the world and opportunities that exist.  But I can also see myself.  But that's a topic for another blog - rediscovering the person that was there the whole time...
I'm glad I have new sunglasses to see this bright and shining world! So... Rock 'n Roll Dallas - watch out - this girl is ready to run!

"Self-confidence is knowing that we have the capacity to do something good
and firmly decide not to give up."  Dalai Lama

Whoa! I think I'm starting to get it....Balance & Harmony

I think I just had one of those moments where I realized my obstinate self is finally giving in...

This past weekend I endeavored on my 3rd Half Marathon - Cowtown in Fort Worth.
After the success in hitting a PR at White Rock in December and PR pace for the 15K in January... I set a goal for another PR (personal record for those non-runners).  I wanted 10 minutes faster than White Rock - that's wasn't unrealistic (hehe...yep me and unrealistic expectations).

I trained for the increased pace and endurance at that pace... I was ready. I was excited. I looked forward to another personal achievement in a string of good things I was recently experiencing... This was to be the first event in a string of events over the next 4 weeks - including my first triathlon.

But it didn't happen - life seemed to get in the way of my intentions. Around mile 7, I realized I wasn't going to hit my goal.  Did I give up? Yes and No.... Yes - I did give up if you think that I didn't push myself harder to reach the goal.  But from my rationalizations - it wasn't giving up - it was being smart and conservative in order to be ready for the next 2 events.  So I still finished at 2:16... with walking more of the course than I intended.

My old self would have beat herself up for not achieving the goal... and there are some things I did prior to the race I shouldn't have - I accept responsibility for those bad choices (fried pickles & jalapeno poppers at 9pm before race day... less than 3 hrs sleep on race night).  BUT.....

When I really went back and reflected on the journey to this race, I realized that I think I'm starting to get it... I didn't cry over the missed goal - I didn't cause drama for those around me (haha) - I wasn't in a bad mood.
My attitude over the missed goal had changed.... does this mean I'm finally changing?

What changed? I loved the journey to the race and the experience itself... I love that I have inspired 3 others to run with me - MY TEAM! And I wouldn't change the fun we experienced that weekend for a PR... I will never forget our 5am workouts. I will never forget eating fried pickles, carrot cake, and pecan pie in the Stockyards at 9pm before a 7am race. I will never forget crossing the finish line with my brother beside me (his first half marathon).  I will never forget my partner in crime realizing SHE BEAT ME (her first half marathon)! I will never forget my daughter getting to experience this race with all of us!

Cowtown Half Marathon - February 2011 - MY TEAM!!!!

No more focusing entirely on pursuing goals - I don't want to miss life! And that's when I realized that I am starting to learn balance... to value what's really important in life.

But I want to change my new years resolution from achieving balance to achieving harmony.  One person on their own can achieve balance. But real harmony requires everyone around you - value the relationships that bring out the best in you!

Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony. Thomas Merton

I LOVE NIKE!!!!

Yep - This officially makes me a Nike Girl for life! Here's my story that was profiled on Nike Women.

In this photo: Amy Hamm: We don’t buy into the notion that you have to be brainy or a jock. You can be a superstar athlete with a master’s degree or a rocket scientist with rock-hard abs. But in Amy’s case, she really did identify more with intellectual pursuits instead of physical ones. Growing up, she never played a sport. She never took PE in high school. She even failed water aerobics in college because of poor attendance. Then she saw a picture of herself at 256 pounds. That’s when she decided to get fit and lose weight. First, she had to get her body to agree to this strange new world of sweat, sore muscles, and bruises (to her body and ego). Then she had to convince her brain that being an athlete was the best thing ever. She stuck to the machines she was comfortable on. Intellectually, she watched her body fat decrease and knew she was becoming physically fit. Still, her thoughts and behaviors were self-limiting. The gym was an intimidating place and she’d second-guess her clothes, her choice of exercises, and whether she was doing things right. She was spending too much time in her head. She decided to hire a trainer to help take the fear out of working out. Amy told us, “Each personal training session pushed me and made me uncomfortable. Why? My head kept getting in the way. It kept telling me all the things I couldn’t do or shouldn’t do. Mentally, I couldn’t bring myself to do certain exercises because I had defined the exercise as something an overweight person wouldn’t do. But I also was afraid of being a failure or not meeting my trainer’s expectations.” Fortunately, her trainer didn’t let her get away with self-defeating thoughts or excuses. And that’s when she developed her mantra: “Don’t think. Just do it!” (Yes. You know everyone at Nike loved that one.) Today, she’s successfully completed two half-marathons and is eyeing triathlons and a full marathon. She spends her workout time spinning, running, swimming, and doing functional training like Nike Fit Boot Camp classes. Before every workout, she powers up with a protein drink, a banana, and oatmeal. “Confronting the uncomfortable somehow made my irrational fears disappear, transformed the way I thought about myself, and ultimately carried into other areas of my life,” said Amy. “I am now addicted to pushing my limits on a daily basis. . .[and] that includes athletic events.” Amy is proof that there’s an athlete in all of us. Don’t be afraid to let her out.   My Nike Make Yourself Story

A simple smile...

Sometimes I get inspiration for my mental ramblings from the least likely places...a comment from a friend - and then pause for deep reflection... and inspiration to share my craziness with you!

"You haven't lost your smile at all, it's right under your nose. You just forgot it was there."

If you read my earlier post about my struggle with self-image, you may recall that the "overly dramatic" exercise of comparing before and after pictures produced an interesting result - recognizing the difference in my smile.  So now months later - it is the most distinguishing factor in this transformation - appreciating a real, genuine smile that reflects my outlook on life.

Some may find this funny - but I have always been insecure about my smile - see... it's crooked. And the bigger my smile - the more noticeable that was.  A crooked smile might be cute on a little kid - but not a teenager, or and adult.  So that's where it started... limiting my smile to not expose a self-perceived flaw!

Right now I'm laughing at myself - seeing a recurring theme here... limits - fear of failure - self-perceived flaws... WOW - it really did permeate my life.

Sept 2008 with daughter Emily

January 2011 - SMILE - Life is good!

What really makes me smile...

I recognize in the before picture - how unhappy I really was... and this journey has taught me a lot.  I could try and tell you all the ways my life has changed - but my smile says it all.

So right now - my smile - has given me a new outlet for Living Out Loud - without saying a single word!

A real smile is a powerful tool - to show the world the qualities that make you beautiful on the inside.  A smile gives others an invitation to get to know you.

• My smile is beautiful
• My smile is contagious
• My smile inspires others and gets bigger when I think about how far the smiles in my before/after pictures have traveled inspiring others
• Someone out there will fall in love with my smile
• I smile when no one else is around - and I know I'm happy
• I smile when life gets difficult - after this journey - I know I can get through anything

Making myself...

Well - it all started with rewarding myself with new athletic clothes - something I've learned to love with the weight loss... buying all those cute capris, shorts, tops, and - the best - shoes.  I've dabbled with other brands - but I'm a Nike Girl at heart.  Why? Nike Attitude T-Shirts.  They power my attitude for the day - make me smile - and I wear them with pride!  Marketing at its best - I am loyal because I can connect with the brand on an emotional level...

Then I found the Nike Women Make Yourself campaign....
"You've taken the first step toward becoming the best version of yourself. Now's your chance to put a stake in the sand for what you're working toward. Declare how you're Making Yourself below to motivate and inspire Nike Women everywhere."

So - I posted my declaration:

And then Nike came calling... impressed by my declaration and wanting to feature me on their page.
I was flattered, honored - and then scared.  While I know the impact that exercise and attitude has had on my life... Could I put it into words well enough? Was I really ready to have over 590,000 others view my story (yep - still insecure and doubting myself)?  How could I expect anything less than perfection on my part?

So what does a perfectionist with unrealistic expectations and self-doubt do? Avoidance, procrastination, and denial... On Saturday - I tried a new class at my local 24Hr Fitness - believe it or not...It was Nike Fit Club Boot Camp - and everyone got a free t-shirt for trying.  The T-Shirt? "Make Yourself" - seriously... a sign?

So - now I'm practicing my declaration of not being afraid and knocking this task out - one that I am completely honored to have been selected for... Time to share the story of how I made myself...
Even now as I am writing - I feel the knots in my stomach - nervous and insecure. But if you read my last blog - experiencing real emotions are a part of the journey to discover my full potential.

What have I really made of myself during this journey? Courage to accept life without knowing all the answers.  Strength to keep making progress on this journey no matter the obstacles. A new satisfaction with life and its accomplishments - knowing that I can inspire changes in others and be a good role model for my children. 

Let's try this again... what have I really made of myself?  A person who I am not ashamed of... A person who I am proud of... A person I love.

Life with No Strings Attached

I want to revisit a topic - because it keeps rearing its ugly head at me: Self-Limiting Behavior.
Now why would I think that just because I recognized this issue and successfully overcame it in a couple of instances that I somehow have won the battle - Oh yeah...unrealistic expectations... 

Behavior - in it's purest form is something that is repeated over time.  I must repeat the desired outcome over and over again to ultimately change.  Change is such a powerful thing.  It's that point when the old ceases and the new becomes permanent.  Permanent... that's the key - until its permanent - change isn't complete. The journey isn't complete. And that's the way I need to look at this - I'm still in the journey - to realize my fullest potential in life.

But remember, I am an overachiever who has the tendency to set unrealistic goals and expectations - why would I ever have the patience for a journey of this magnitude or be able to check my ego at the door?  Which might explain why I am better at challenges - it has a clear end and then off to the next one.  If I am going to reach my full potential - it's time to embrace and appreciate the journey. 

And then the moment of insight - I think I am afraid of the journey. I think I am afraid of who I might be at the end of the journey - I think I am afraid of the regret I will feel at the end - of the life I might have missed.

See...self-limiting behavior and it's freakin' ugly head...   Even now I am attaching "strings" to everything (expectations, conditions, rules, etc...) so that I would limit myself from the real emotions - because of fear.

So far in this journey - I have experienced life in ways that have expanded my thoughts, experiences, emotions, and of course - new expectations. I've gone from living my life in my own head, to having real relationships with friends and family.  Letting go of fears that I'm not worthy of love to enjoying sharing my thoughts and feelings.  Living out loud isn't always easy - it's a paradox that must be embraced - to feel vulnerable, sad, fragile and secure, elated, and powerful.

And my journey continues... but with no strings attached!

There is only one you for all time. Fearlessly be yourself.

How do you rebound?

Yeah, yeah.... a sports analogy from the non-sports girl.
Don't hate me - but I really don't even watch basketball.

But I started researching the philosophy behind rebounds and the role of rebounding in a game - Here are some of the things I found...

• Few statistics influence the outcome of the game as do rebounding.
• Rebounding is essential to winning the game.
• Rebounding takes dedication.
• Rebounding is 75% desire and 25% skill.

Any way you look at it - I started thinking about rebounding after misses or mistakes in life - whether it is diet, exercise, parenting, frienships, work, or other goals. 

There were definite times along my journey that I made mistakes or missed the shot.
There was the day I ate an entire pizza, or the day I just couldn't walk away from the Lay's Chips... Or the many personal trainer sessions when I just couldn't finish the exercise, running training days where I couldn't do the mileage prescribed, the weigh in days where I missed my self-imposed unrealistic goals, or the overall feeling that it just wasn't happening fast enough (I did tell you I was impatient...). 

So if we were to apply the basketball rebound principles to life - rebounding from mistakes is essential to getting to your goal.  So instead of worrying about "when" you will mess up or that you "failed" because of one mistake - instead get your head ready to not let that mistake be the end. There is no such thing as failure if we realize it isn’t the end. Bounce back!

Yes - I'm preaching to myself in this... my triathlon goals are testing my limits...
Struggling with swimming is making me rethink why I would ever sign up for this!
I want my skills and abilities to appear overnight (yep - unrealistic and impatient) and doubt creeps in... BUT I am DETERMINED that I will achieve my goal. I will rebound from this challenge and reassess my expectations and game plan.  But I'm not calling it quits!

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.
–Sir Winston Churchill

My resolve...

My resolve as I start the next book of my life - is to strive for better balance.
What? My life isn't perfect? Nooo.... far from it.  With my obsessive tendencies, it was quite easy to lose focus during the weightloss journey on the things that were really important. So here I am coming clean and admiting that all is not well in my life.

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."  — Anna Quindlen

But over the journey of weightloss, I learned that I couldn't make change happen overnight.  So it would be unrealistic (yep...me and that word again) to expect I can solve all of my problems at once or immediately.

So where do I start? I'm really not sure how to tackle this with a nice, neat plan of action.  I can't plan for every scenario that may play out...which is my natural style.  Which means I really do have to let go of unrealistic expectations... and that begins with changing my own thoughts - in how I react to life.

Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be?

~Nelson Mandela

The best present I have ever received...

Was a Dr. Suess Book.... Yes, you read that right.
Not a cheesy gift, but absolutely the PERFECT present!

So which book?   Oh, the Places You'll Go!

My dear friend gave this to me for Christmas and personalized each page with how I should interpret or apply the words - or just overall encouragement on my current journey.

It was a perfect gift because 2011 marks the next phase of my journey - to embrace life fully with this new self confidence, skinnier self, and optimistic outlook on the future.  But 2011 also includes choices and changes that are very difficult - but that's life right? The best things in life often do require really tough decisions.

Ever think Dr. Suess could give you advice as an adult? Whether that advice is a weightloss journey or a personal transformation... the words apply to life so brilliantly.


Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

But the closing was the most profound for me...

Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!

Great ideas or intentions are just that if you don't take action. Move forward, take that step, make that change! Conquer the world!

So...get on your way!

As another friend says it..."keep pushing until there are no more limits.  This is life, this is love, this is living."

So...read this book again!
Here's an audio book link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQRWeZy-S8Q
Or here's a link to the words: http://www.teamhope.com/seuss.htm

Thank you Erin!

Do you really live out loud?

I've heard the term "live out loud" but never really paid attention or took it to heart what it actually meant. Then I stumbled on it a couple of times in the last few months and finally understood its meaning (well - at least how I interpreted it.)

During the journey of changing my body and mind, I kept everything to myself.  I still shake my head when I think about how fear can negatively impact your life.  I was afraid of failing, so the fewer who knew what I was doing - the less I would be embarrassed.  I feared I really was crazy and that my irrational thoughts weren't normal.  I feared losing control - that somehow hiding my emotions allowed me to not be vulnerable to life's disappointments or challenges.

Learning to not be afraid has been the hardest journey.  But as I learned to overcome fear through exercise, I started changing my thoughts about daily life too.  And then I did something that changed my entire perspective... 

I used a tool - www.myfitnesspal.com - during my weightloss to track food.  Their website also offers a forum for sharing struggles/successes and allows you to friend others who are also on this journey.  I stayed in the background - because I thought it was my struggle.  But when I was ready to test myself and whether my story was really a success - I posted before/after pictures on this site first. 

That was the day that I learned the meaning of living out loud.  I let go of my fear and put myself out there for everyone to see - and comment on.  (You can read their comments here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/136063-sharing-my-b-a-pics ).    That was the day that I realized sharing my story could really impact other people's lives.  And it gave a whole new meaning to life...

So - Living out Loud for me is through sharing my story and struggles - including my mental insanity through this blog!   This is my way of "paying it forward" - you never know when something you say/do inspires someone or changes their lives...

Now in reality - this new found excitement or passion for living out loud, living healthy and tackling change (at the speed I want things to happen) isn't accepted by everyone in my life.  So while I try to not push the boundaries on being annoying, pushy, demanding...or overly dramatic - I just want to practice not being afraid of sharing my thoughts or emotions.  I can't continue to live inside my head fearful of what others will really think.  So - here's the real me... living out loud!

Friend me on Myfitnesspal at amyshamm or on Facebook as Amy Giles Hamm - or follow this blog.



"Live out loud! Live life to it's fullest. Don't just laugh out loud, but cry out loud as well. Take all those wonderful feelings you have and let them out, they are the key to making your dreams come true. You need to know your feelings, so they can lead you down the path you were meant to follow. Max it all out when it comes to living your life, meet your end, exhausted, but happy with the knowledge you lived your life to the fullest."
-- Edward W. Smith