Resiliency requires patience

Me patient? Never... probably why I keep coming back to this topic.  This must obviously be that thing I must overcome in order to find harmony in life.  Yep - I'm going to learn this the hard way... 
I've really struggled lately - feeling discouraged on my progress to this year's goals, overwhelmed by life's chaos, and in general, uneasy with the unpredictable.  Makes a perfect storm for getting discouraged and losing focus on what's really important in life.  I just don't want to fail myself after what I have been able to accomplish...

And when my thought processes went there - those were the magic words. What have I been able to accomplish?

Those close to me may be laughing right now - I always hear what you say, but it takes a little longer for me to understand what you say.  I know I can be quite stubborn.

So when I start to think about my accomplishments - it always goes back to pictures.  So, I'm scrolling through my iPhone pics - and find the first pic of 2011.  My training partner in crime and I were determined to start the year right with our triathlon training - we would run, bike, and swim on 1/1/11.  In our excitement, the key to the lock was in the locker - and the lock had to be cut open. 

And I laughed... I was somehow resilient enough to laugh off this temporary setback in training. I need to look at today the same way.  So I went back and found my goal sheet for events for this year - and laughed again.

I may have set wildly unrealistic expectations on what I could accomplish this year. Did I really think I could complete 7 triathlons this year, in addition to 6 more half marathons and a full marathon? Was life going to stand still so I could accomplish this? 

Even though hopes for any triathlons are sidelined by injury - I just can't let them go.  I know it's denial, but at what point is my determination really just stubbornness.  So I kept scrolling through pics from this year - memories from the first 4 months...

• My daughter's first boyfriend (lasted 1 day - it was too much pressure for him)
• My new training partner in crime - officially making the Amy's Victims Wall
• All the pics of the new me - learning to accept this new size
• 15K Race - First race for the trio of girls
• Divorce Final
• Nike Women's Profile
• My favorite hairdresser and introducing my daughter to her many services
• Cowtown 1/2 Marathon - Trio of girls and my baby brother
• Scrapped knees from bike wrecks
• Adding more friends to Amy's Workout Victims wall
• Eating Blazin Hot wings for son's 18th birthday
• Birthday parties with friends
• Rock 'n Roll Half Marathon for the trio - with all my kids in attendance to cheer me on
• School projects with kids
• Friends supporting me after big bike wreck (still laughing at the training wheels)
• A perfect vacation in Cancun

Suddenly, I felt really stupid for not appreciating the terrific parts of my life and what I have accomplished so far this year. I have to be more resilient when I get discouraged or overwhelmed. Resiliency takes perseverance, persistence, focus on positives, and patience.

I've obviously learned perseverance and persistence to get where I am today in this journey (stubbornness helps I'm sure).  But my resilient bounceback didn't come without leaning on a loved one and friends for support. I needed them to help remind me about what's positive at this moment in time, to help put things into perspective.

I wouldn't want to miss anything terrific with my kids, friends, or family.  So, I'll be patient with my goals for triathlons - patience isn't giving up, just realizing the timeline needs to adjust. 

But I know I will always struggle with high expectations - because I fundamentally believe you become what you expect...  so more lessons in patience will be documented in my mental ramblings. Until then - I will just remind myself - patience isn't giving up.