The Weight of Change: My Weight Loss Journey

Dec. 2008 in San Francisco

Christmas 2008

Weight has been a lifelong battle. Despite having a great family and successful career, it was the only thing in my life I hadn’t accomplished - to feel good about myself and the way I looked. I will start my story in 2009, which was the year I embraced certain elements of my health. At my largest I weighed in at 256 pounds.

AC/DC Concert with Kids in San Antonio - Dec 2008

After seeing the pictures from our "Family Memory with AC/DC," I was embarrassed at how I looked for my kids sake. So I started 2009 recognizing it was time to get a handle on my PCOS. After being unsuccessfully treated with the pill, I knew there had to be another solution. So a change in doctors resulted in a change in treatment. While I was somewhat active in the gym, the medicine helped me to get my hormones and depression in check. I was able to gradually lose almost 40 pounds in that year without any real focus.

So here comes 2010...I was starting to feel good about myself - happy with the weight loss and even more happy to be back into a size 12/14. I knew there was more to the journey...But I was excited about an upcoming family wedding in early January. It was a chance to feel good in new dressy clothes, even better was the chance for a "Good" family picture with everyone all dressed up.

Then reality hit - and hit hard. Here were the pictures that made it real to me that I needed a drastic change! Did I really look like that? There were tears for DAYS over these pictures - there are still tears today as I am writing this. I have always hated pictures of myself - but with kids getting older and other things happening in life, I wanted my kids to be able to look back at their lives with pictures and special memories.

My and my daughter Emily - January 2010

Starting Point for January 2010

I declared 2010 as the year I would finally take care of myself (instead of putting everyone else first) and change my life in the process. Oh - but I was still looking for the easy path (cheating) to get to my goal - didn't fully realize what I would need to do along this journey.

Easy path? Me? Yep... I tried. I had 3 scheduled consults with Plastic Surgeons to look into a Tummy Tuck and a little Breast Enhancement. Then reality hit me again... I was still too fat for plastic surgery. But the Dr. said a couple of things that stuck: 1) 70% of all weight loss is diet, 2) Those who record their diet in a food diary are more successful at weightloss, and 3) Get Help. All I had to do was get to 185 and then I could have plastic surgery.

So after I felt sorry for myself long enough - I went after those 3 things. I knew I was terrible at diets and it would be hard with the family at home - so I had to look at this as a lifestyle change and recognize I needed to permanently change the way I eat (also would help the PCOS symptoms). So my food dairy of choice? Myfitnesspal.com. I can use it on my iPhone and online and it was free!

And that's where I started. At first I didn't begin with a restrictive diet - instead I focused on calories and portions. I used the app on my phone to help me make the right decisions about what to eat - before I ordered food when we were eating out. I do have one advantage on all of this - I don't like Chocolate; so eliminating sweets was easy to conquer.

Where does help come in? After much discussion, I decided that I should try a personal trainer. It would give me someone unbiased to help coach me along the way. Remember - I only needed to get to 185 so I could have surgery. Maybe a personal trainer would help speed up the progress - and eliminate any stress of wondering what exercises to do. I knew if I was serious, it was time to get all the help I could. Wasn't I worth it?

March 2010

Already down 9 pounds, I started with a personal trainer in March 2010 at my local 24 Hr Fitness. Honestly, I was skeptical that adding a personal trainer would make that big of a difference, probably because it was hard to admit I wasn’t smart enough to figure this out myself. So, my initial expectation was that at the least, a personal trainer would hold me accountable. That first session was interesting - another harsh reality when someone else is taking your measurements and recording them.

Warrior Dash - April 2010

Change was slow...then something happened that made me ready to take on all fears...a little MUD (From the girl who DOES NOT like to get dirty...)!! My hairdresser and friend had told me about the Warrior Dash - I looked at it and was completely terrified. That was something someone like me could never do... A last minute call because a few friends couldn't attend - and I found myself enroute for the race! Who knew that a 3.1 Mile Obstacle course through mud, creeks, swimming, and heights would change my mindset so much! If I can do this - then I was making changes and could conquer my fears. Me completely covered in mud... Letting go of your fears can be good...

And then May rolls around and it's time for another "weigh in" with the personal trainer - I was having bloating issues so the progress was small - only 3 pounds in 3 weeks. I knew it was more, but "that time of the month" was causing the problems. But the personal trainer made me feel terrible - so I decided maybe she wasn't working for me. I was about to enjoy a nice vacation in Key West - would take that break to rethink the personal trainer.

Key West - June 2010

Memorial Day Weekend in Key West was awesome! I actually owned more than one bathing suit and wasn't completely embarrassed wearing it. And I bought my first size 10! Total weight loss so far is 25+ pounds and I was close to my goal of 185...

Key West - June 2010

But here comes the picture drama again... After seeing these pictures, I still wasn't happy. I vowed NO MORE pictures until I was closer to success. Of course, I didn't really define what success would look like. Now it was time to get really serious and focus... Fueled by anger - I decided this included changing personal trainers. Well - there was a lot of other anger in my life - and I soon discovered the gym was a perfect outlet!

The relationship you have with your personal trainer is important - it should be fun and serious or what I refer to as a Love/Hate relationship. Okay... so maybe I was too focused on the process that I wouldn't let my mind see the changes... Oh - I knew there were changes happening - at each weigh in it was documented... but being goal oriented - I wouldn't accept the positives because they hadn't meet my unrealistic expectations (that's a topic for another blog).

Me and Emily - Sept 2010

In 3 months, I was able to lose an additional 32 pounds bringing the total weight loss to 59 pounds from January to August. I not only achieved my original goal of 185 in a very short time, but surpassed what I thought was achievable…

And that’s where my story gets good… when you start achieving what your head said was unachievable, so begins the journey of self discovery. Self-image and self-limiting beliefs became part of the journey. I was in denial of the changes until one morning I couldn't find anything to wear. I pulled the "skinny suit" from the back of the closet and it was soo big - it was like it belonged to a different person. After my 2 hour breakdown in the floor of my closet - I finally had to face this self-image issue head on! That included the first acceptable "after" pics...

After - 158 lbs

By now I was addicted to the changes - realized that cheating with plastic surgery would only minimize the success. If I had gotten myself this far - I could do this! I was looking forward to that self-satisfaction (with the continued help from my personal trainer)! But this was a turning point for me - to recognize the mental journey I would need to go through in addition to meeting my goals.

So where am I on my weight loss journey now? As of mid-October, I have lost a total of 75 pounds in 2010. Total weight loss since at my height in weight is 110 pounds! When I get frustrated by progress or diet, I make myself review the successes. My favorite number on this whole chart is my thigh before and my waist now...they are almost the same!

Update as of December - I got below 140!!!! Something I would have never dreamed I could achieve. Total weight loss for 2010 was 82 pounds and total weight loss from my largest is 120 pounds.

Still working on that body fat composition number... but other goals for 2010 include my first Half Marathon on November 7th, 2010 in 2:27, followed by an 8-mile Turkey Trot, and culminating with my 2nd Half Marathon on December 5th with a personal best time of 2:05.

So when will I know when I am done? What's my final weight goal? I don't know... I think I will know when I get there...maybe...