Yes - still on the recent bike injury and recovery...
Despite the success I had in 2010, right now I feel disappointed - in my life, achievement to goals, and with myself.
As I get ready to be medically released, I don't know what I expected. Knew I wouldn't be back to the way I was before the accident, but didn't expect where I am today. And I am in shock that my attitude can flip from confident to insecure. Feeling insecure just makes me doubt the success - did I really achieve anything?
Most injured athletes agree that keeping one’s mental balance is both the hardest and the most important aspect of recovery and well-being. But I'm not a real athlete...my livelihood isn't dependent on my recovery. UGHHHH....
So - my challenge is how to maintain perspective when my mind is making mincemeat of my confidence and future goals. See - there's me and that goal thing again... now it's a sense of uncertainty that I will really have any more goals for the future. So because I couldn't make this goal of completing a triathlon, should I give up on all goals? Better yet - will I ever get on the bike again.
Why am I letting this bother me? Because up to this point, I really didn't have any problems that I couldn't just "bulldoze" my way through. I kept my head down and just pushed ahead - sometimes at unsafe speeds...
I thought I had made the approriate reflection time during recovery, but as I try to get back into the groove - I can't just pick up where I left off. I can't do the same things, my body hurts more, oh... and dieting is harder.
As the message gets stronger, so the journey continues - self-acceptance. Time for me to learn to accept who I am and where I am today. I'll trade the bulldozer to be a better mom... but the bike - well... I guess stay tuned.
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