2010's Final Run... Lessons I have learned

I've been contemplating the last blog for 2010 for some time. How do I summarize this year? How do I acknowledge the success while still feeling like it's not completed? How can I celebrate the successes when I know my hardest battle is ahead of me?

And then I was discouraged in this morning's gym time, I lacked the mental and emotional energy to do what I know I am able to do... struggled to run on the treadmill, struggled with strength training, couldn't focus while even stretching. But then a friend posted something on Facebook to encourage me, to get me out of my funk... and not an old friend who has followed me through this journey - a new friend.  And that made me smile...then I played the video - two things stuck with me - Smile and Sunshine.

So, it's December 31st in Dallas and 62 degrees with sunshine (although a little windy) - I decided to take my final outside run for the year. And the moment of clarity came when I started remembering back to those first few times running in my neighborhood...

I remember that first run and telling myself - one day I want to be able to run the entire length.  But when we started, I focused on running the length of a telephone pole and walk the next one...slowly increasing and building the length.  Today - I went to run that entire length again.  I could have ran it with the wind pushing me - but instead chose to run into the wind. And that's when I realized what I have learned over the past year with running...

1. Set a goal and tackle it in chunks. Being overly ambitious can bring frustration.
2. Outside air and sunshine make even the most unpleasant tasks easier.
3. Take life one step at a time - whether that step is limping, walking, jogging, or sprinting...just take that step forward.  Hey - It's even okay if someone is helping to carry you that step forward!
4. Run into the wind - it will only make you stronger.
5. Running needs a positive, determined, and resilient attitude - So does life.
6. Register for that Race! Hearing complete strangers cheer you on is amazing...
7. Great friendships are developed with running partners. Friendships who offer encouragement and support - friends who can say just the right thing to motivate you to keep going (or motivate you to show up)!
8. New tennis shoes or running apparel are great motivators.  It's fun how something as small as a new white jacket can somehow make me run faster!
9. Don't think - Just breathe and do it! Lose yourself in the moment...For me, I had to learn to get my brain to check out and trust that my body is capable of doing this...
10. You will never experience anything in life like crossing a Finish Line! Whether it's that first finish line or a finish line with a new personal best record... and you never know what's waiting for you at the finish line...

So, now I'm ready to tackle 2011.  What's in store?  Well - now I'm adding to the running partners as we tackle a few more 1/2 marathons...and we will conquer our first triathlons while also preparing for our first marathon in January 2012 at Walt Disney World!

Enabling your own success...

Okay - lately it's been a reflective time during my journey over the past year - and I will let go of something I have held in my head for some time...  This is me stepping outside of my controlled boundaries and sharing how I am really feeling.


I am codependent and an enabler. Pure and simple.  It was the only way I would feel good about myself - to "take care of" or  "save" others.  I know this is a learned behavior that CAN BE changed! So - I am facing this behavior head on...although not everyone around me is liking this.

How am I tackling this? Awareness of Behavior Traits, Understanding my own Thought Processes, Creating Healthy Experiences.

Awareness of Behavior - This is by no means an exhaustive list of all my craziness! But which behaviors I am emotionally connected to at the moment...

• Give Too Much
• Anticipate other people's needs
• Feel safest when giving.
• Feel insecure and guilty when somebody gives to them.
• Low Self Worth
• Reject compliments or praise
• Think they're not quite good enough.
• Settle for being needed.
• Repress Emotions
• Push their thoughts and feelings out of their awareness because of fear and guilt
• Become afraid to let themselves be who they are
• Appear rigid and controlled
• Stay busy so they don't have to think about things
• Wonder why they feel like they're going crazy
• Have a difficult time expressing their emotions honestly, openly, and appropriately
• Relationships with Others
• Look for happiness outside themselves
• Act out of a sincere, if misguided, sense of love and loyalty
• Often seek love from people incapable of loving
• Try to prove they're good enough to be loved
• Lost interest in their own lives when they love
• Stay in relationships that don't work

I'll let you know how the rest of the process works out... Understanding my own thought processes is going to take some deep digging.  But even the act of posting this is recognizing my fear of showing my true emotions and experiencing the ability to breathe with a clear mind over that...

I accept responsibility for my own thoughts, emotions, reactions, behaviors - and ultimately my own happiness!

Be Honest with Yourself...

It's been a while since my last posting, still working through this journey of creating the person I want to be... In learning to like myself, I have to be willing to let go of enabling tendencies and confront those self-esteem issues head on. I came across an interesting concept - emotional honesty.
Emotional dishonesty is when we do and say things that are not true to what we feel within our hearts - we are being deceitful to ourselves.

If you think about relationships whether work, marriage, or family - honesty and trust are foundations for healthy relationships.  In working on that relationship you have with yourself - are you being honest about your own emotions? My answer - was no. 

I have been emotionally dishonest in order to protect myself from feeling real pain/heartache and also because I was ashamed of myself (my weight). It was easier to detach myself from the situation than to feel the real emotions I should have...and this has been a continuous. 

So before I can learn to like myself - I need to be honest. Honest with myself about how I feel in certain situations, honest with myself about my strengths, and honest with how I truly feel about this person I am. So my first honest acknowledgement - I am a really screwed up person! I knew I was crazy...but now I can smile when I admit it to myself!

If you can't be honest with yourself, you can never reach the self-realization you need to in order to embrace change.  This is part of getting the head right - so you can be successful at weightloss.  Be honest with yourself on why you weren't able to stick to a plan, be honest with yourself why you quit trying, be honest with yourself about the support you need to stay motivated, be honest with yourself why you want to change.

Can a Finish Line be the Start of Something New?

Many times we think of the Finish Line as the marker of success - that all your hard work early pays off in the end. Yep - me and that success thing again - measuring my self worth by achievements.

On Sunday as I ran my 2nd Half Marathon in 4 weeks, I let this race represent more than just another finish line.  Well - "let" is probably not the right word, since I self-impose things on myself frequently.  I "chose" this race and this finish line to represent my entire journey over the past year.

While I embraced the idea that it was time to change in 2010 and managed to implement change, my head struggled with accepting everything.  So that Finish Line represented my acceptance of success on this tranformation journey. 

• I accept that I was successful with the courage to take on this battle with weight.
• I accept that I was successful with the determination needed to accomplish this journey EVERY DAY.
• I accept that I was smart enough to know when I needed help and support and that I didn't need to go through this by myself.
• I accept that I was humble enough to listen to others advice, feedback, coaching, and overall moral support.
• And last, I accept that this was a major and impressive feat and it's time to celebrate and acknowledge this.

Dallas White Rock Half Marathon 2010

I set an agressive goal for this race - 2:00 - which would have been a marked improvement over my first race at 2:27.  While I typically start thinking of all the reasons why I can't accomplish my goals, I woke up two days before the race with a different perspective.  I can meet my goal because I am strong and my body can keep up with the demands I put on it.  I finally like myself and my body (flaws and all)... I was going out on that course and running all the mental toxins out of my body.  I was going to push myself so that I was uncomfortable for the entire race - you can't change by staying in your comfort zone.

Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be....  Sunday's Race was very emotional for me... I started that race as one person and with each mile I started to embrace the idea of the person I AM MEANT TO BE.

My foot on that finish line didn't mean as much to me - it was closing the book on that old person. The most important step in that race was that first step after the Finish Line - when I started a new book with this new person I am becoming, that person who is meant for something greater.

I can't wait for the next race/next challenge in life - I have more to give every day and I will live life to the fullest when I challenge myself to be uncomfortable. I still have to meet my goal of under 2:00!

Living Life Backwards...

A friend posted this quote on her facebook recently - and brought back my own struggles and resolution to stop regretting the past.

"No one can go back and make a brand new beginning,

but anyone can begin now and make a brand new ending."

Regret can be crippling on your thoughts and behaviors and is one of the biggest parts of my mental side of this journey.   My first major regret hurdle was in the beginning - when your head finally quits making excuses for the past and you take that first step forward to making a positive change. 

But my hardest struggle with regret happened along the journey - when success was becoming real. I went into this thinking a size 8 would be a success (assumed this would be around 160 lbs).  But when I put on that size 4 (tried on 10 different things to verify it was really that size and not the brand), it never entered my mind as something I could ever achieve.  Yes - I know this sounds odd - most people struggle with the ongoing, daily motivation and here I was paralyzed by surpassing expectations. 

So here comes the regret and fear.... regret that I may have limited myself from real success in the past... fear of being able to achieve future success. To a small extent, I question whether I deserve the success.  For me it was easier to avoid the success altogether and live in denial - rather than tackle the real issues. 

Because I had defined myself by me successes, when the unachievable did happen - I questioned whether they were really success measures.  Yeah - Perfectionism, Goal-Oriented - and now my world just got turned upside down for all those things I thought were real.  I spent time questioning all the major decisions in my life - spent sleepless nights on the "what ifs" for changing the past.  And with each day, I became more sad and mad at myself.  And the more mad I got at myself, the more I took it out at the gym...

I can always tell my mental moods by the music that inspires me in the gym - and during this time - it was a LOT of angry rock music.... like "I'm so sick" by Flyleaf, "I'm coming undone" by Korn, "Sickness" by Disturbed, and "Killing in the Name" by Rage Against the Machine.... See the recurring theme in these?

But then the denial had to come to an end (with a not so gentle nudge from a friend who called me out on my BS), it was time I started acknowledging the success and be proud of it.  But it wasn't a single moment that I was able to change from regret to focusing on the future - it was slowly every day working through those emotions until the music just didn't have the same reaction for me. I realized that I couldn't change the past - that every decision made in the past helped shape me to be the person I am today.

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."

There are still days I can't really believe I did this! But I am looking hard for that opened door - because I know there is something out there that will allow me to be myself - the Full Strength, Hyped up on Pre-Workout Energy Drinks person that I am!

So...for me - there’s no more Next Time... It's about now or never.

I am an Athlete!

Okay - don't laugh at me... This is a little bit of positive self-talk...
I am an athlete...I am an athlete...I am an athlete...I am an athlete...

I know I have been sharing my mental struggles through my journey - but this one is how my journey turned into a transformation! It was a turning point for my head - no more fear, challenging my self-limiting thoughts/behaviors, and rewriting how I defined myself.

There is humor in this...and sweat, sore muscles, fractured bones, bruises (body and ego), and one kick-butt personal trainer!

Okay - so let's go back to this little chart that I obsessed about - developed goals over - and became the measure of my success...

If you read my earlier blog - all of my goals focused around achieving a body fat composition number. But this is about the labels associated with each.  In my mind, I could go from "Acceptable" to "Fitness" to "Athlete" by achieving the composition percentages.  One of the flaws in my goal setting was not correctly defining what 20% LOOKED like - instead letting the label be the only definition.  So...in essence - I WANTED TO BE AN ATHLETE!

But the funny part - my head didn't really know it wanted to be an athlete - my body definitely didn't sign up for that journey!  This was buried deep into my subconscious...

I had defined myself, my selfworth, and ultimately my happiness by my ability to achieve goals.  Growing up - I was never athletic in any way - I was the smart one.  And I defined my career by those definitions of myself that were formed from past experiences and memories.  Being one of four kids - we had to be differentiated to maintain identity.  As long as I stayed more successful or smarter than everyone else - I got to keep that definition of myself and was meeting everyone's expectation. I never played a team sport as a child.  As a matter of fact, I somehow graduated high school never having to experience PE or sports at all! Heck - I even failed water aerobics in college because of attendance!

So - now the unathletic, fat person with screwed up head meets the gym and personal trainer...  Let me add to the twist - I can be quite stubborn and HATE failure. 

Gyms can be intimidating places for some (especially that unathletic, fat person with screwed up head)... worried about what others think about you, was I doing the exercise the right way, was I wearing appropriate clothes, etc... So it was easy when I worked out on my own - to stick to only those few machines that I knew. 

Each personal training session pushed me and made me uncomfortable. Why? My head kept getting in the way - kept telling me all the things I couldn't do/shouldn't do. Mentally, I couldn't bring myself to do certain exercises - because I had defined the exercise as something a fat person wouldn't do. But I also was afraid of being a failure or not meeting my trainer's expectations. 



My Nike Attitude T-Shirt
says I am an AthElite!



And when my trainer wouldn't accept "no," I learned a new technique for avoidance - overthinking.  So - I wouldn't say no...I would stall and say I'm thinking about it.  It was a way for me to stay in control... I knew my own boundaries right?  These words were yelled at me frequently - Don't Think - Just Do It!

Week after week - those boundaries got pushed...some days I left mad or disappointed in my performance...but most days I left with one new accomplishment - winning the head battle. Confronting the uncomfortable somehow made my irrational fears disappear, transformed the way I thought about myself, and ultimately carried into other areas of my life.

Finish Line!

I am now addicting to pushing my limits on a daily basis - establishing life goals/bucket list items that include athletic events.  I finished my first Half Marathon in October 2010 - and the confidence and strength you get when training for a race and crossing that finish line are amazing!

"When you move beyond your fear, you feel free."

But I couldn't have done this without my trainer - I needed someone to kick my butt and make it fun! Do you need a trainer to do this? You need a support network that helps push you, motivate you, celebrate successes, pick you up when your down, and won't let you give up.  This could be a friend, a workout partner, your spouse, or a personal trainer... but most important - this is someone you trust and can call you out on your BS.

That voice in my head...

I started this blog to share with you my struggles with weightloss - the mental side. It's the mental side that stops many people from even starting and it's a mental struggle during the process. 

"You make excuses to avoid facing your fears. And you end up with a life that's unfulfilling, because you miss out on the satisfaction that only comes from tackling something hard."

Little did I know starting my weightloss journey that it would become something bigger - my quest for reaching my real potential.  But I had to start with being aware of and tackling self-limiting thoughts and behaviors. For me it was that little voice in your head that tells you what you can/can't have, who you can/can't be, or what you can/can't do - whether from my own preconceived thoughts, unrealistic expectations, or irrational beliefs.

I let negative thoughts keep me from being successful at weightloss for too many years - here were some of the thoughts I let keep me from changing.

- It will take too much time, too much effort
- I have to take care of everyone else first, I can't be selfish (Kids, Spouse)
- I don't know how to exercise properly - I was never athletic

Two of those thoughts could easily be overcame with knowledge and a plan.  But one of those would require me to thinking differently. 

I was raised watching other mothers sacrifice for their children/spouses - it was ingrained in my thoughts as an expectation and definition of a good mother.  I choose to remember certain aspects of my ancestery that were shaped from the point of view of a child (flawed perception).  That may also be because my family currently is so completely disfunctional - that I choose to remember the good memories. 

Here's where pictures come into play - I value every picture that I have and the stories they tell, especially of my grandmother and great-grandmother.  I was privileged to be able to build memorial videos for loved ones and will always remember the bonding and healthy grieving we shared as a family during that time.  As my oldest is approaching 18 and high school graduation, I have been working on compiling photos from his entire childhood to build a video for him.  In this process, I realized that I was not proud of the pictures.

So - I had an "aha moment" and changed my way of thinking - I wasn't failing them by being selfish and taking time to take care of myself.  I was failing them by not providing pictures with experiences and lessons. I was failing them by being an unhealthy, unhappy, stressed parent and role model.  I was failing them by not living a life that showed balance.  In that moment, I was more afraid of staying the same and thinking that my daughter would follow in my shoes. 

I'm still struggling to overcome other self-limiting thoughts and behaviors on a daily basis... and will share those soon.  Thanks for reading.

Why doesn't my mind see the same thing you see?

This has been the hardest struggle for me throughout my journey. I don't see myself the same way others see me - I still see the fat, unhealthy person.

If you read my previous post, than you know that unrealistic goals and failure are hard for perfectionists.  Another trait for perfectionist is the ability to become super-focused when striving for a goal. 

Okay...so maybe I was so focused on the process that I wouldn't let my mind see the changes... and then one morning I couldn't find anything to wear - pulled the "Skinny Suit" from the back of the closet and it was soo big, it was like it belonged to a completely different person... 

After a couple of hours of crying in the closet floor - I finally had to face it. I wasn't entirely sure of what I was facing or trying to solve - I just knew I should be happy and wasn't.  Searching blogs - I learned about Self-Image issues.  But I reached out to my aunt who had successfully lost 100+ pounds and asked for her insights.  Then she said something that made sense... At that moment when the clothes were soo big - I realized that I lost myself (wow...this is still hard for me to write...) and it was time to grieve that loss.

I had ignored the fact that I needed new clothes until it stared me in the face and I had absolutely nothing to wear.  I had refused to clean out my closet because those old clothes defined who I was - they represented some milestone or achievement in my life (yep - still the perfectionist...only able to define myself by my achievements).  Okay - I have to grieve the old person and start to define the new person.

It took a few weeks, but I devised my own therapy that would get me past this...

Step 1 - Acknowledge the Old Clothes are too Big!

Step 2 - Clean Out the Closet!
(Clothes were donated to a charity for women entering the workforce)

Step 3 - Take some Progress Pictures!
(yep - it's that Size 4 Red Calvin Klein Dress)

Step 4 - Compare Before/After Pics
This was the mourning process for me.  I dug out all the old pictures I could find of myself and had duplicates printed (along with the new pics).  Closing myself in my room, I took the time to really look at those old pictures.  There were lots of tears in the process. But honestly, once I got passed the embarrassment of how I looked, I was more sad about how unhappy I appeared.  While I did see the differences between the before/afters in my size, the biggest difference I saw was my smile.  Really, there were tons of tears in this - I couldn't believe I let myself be soo unhappy.  But the regret had to come to an end - and I told myself I wouldn't blame myself or regret my past any more...signified by tearing up those old pictures. 

Did all of the old pictures get torn up? No - I kept a few because I looked happy. 
My mourning process isn't over - still have bad days...but we'll talk about those in a later blog.

I am focusing on my success and finally having a reason to smile!

My biggest flaw - setting unrealistic goals

Well, it's what I recognize as my biggest mental flaw at the moment - I'm sure there's still more to learn...

But here it goes... 

I can easily be classified as a Type A personality - which means I tend to be impatient, controlling, highly competitive, and ambitious.  I am most definitely a high-achieving workaholic who multi-tasks, drives myself with deadlines, and can be unhappy about delays.  Oh wait - let me add perfectionist tendencies...these can all be an interesting combination when it comes to goal-setting for weight loss (or transformation). 

Let me give you a hint - my goals always seem to be unrealistic or impossible.  Achieving goals has always been my focus in life... so it was all or nothing - success or failure.  Rather than being drawn to a goal by desire to achieve - I tend to impose the goal on myself by a fear of not reaching them, and see anything less than a perfectly met goal as a failure. I set a pretty high standard and expectation on the results and can become so disappointed by anything less than perfection, failure always has been a very scary prospect.

Using my business background - I knew it was important to pick a statistic or metric that encompassed more than one input.  I looked at goal setting from a holistic approach - concentrating on Body Composition rather than just relying on weight and/or measurements.  If I could hit Body Composition goals, than I was doing all parts of the lifestyle change right - diet and exercise.

So I soon memorized this chart:

So starting at 28.5%, my first self-imposed goal was 24%.  The goal in itself was achievable - however, the timeline that I gave myself was unrealistic.  So - now comes my first failure.  I could have kept all the drama of failure in my head - except that the failure was public.  So I didn't just fail myself, but would disappoint my personal trainer also. I can laugh about it now - but the poor personal trainer didn't know what to say.... I was soo disappointed that I missed that ONE NUMBER, that I refused to look at the other successful numbers (10 lbs and over 7 inches). I was doing everything within my power to not breakdown in tears - or get soo mad that I just ended the session early.  I looked at it as a complete failure. 

And then I went through the stages - anger at myself, denial that I failed, bargaining with myself, and finally acceptance that I failed.  So now it was time to set the next goal... here we go again!

Determined that I was not failing again, I set the next goal as 21%.  The night before weigh in - I went for a little retail therapy and randomly picked up a red dress at my local TJMaxx.  I dubbed it my reality check dress - as I was having a hard time accepting any of the success because of my failures on my unrealistic goals.  After a closet full of size 10-12s, that size 4 Calvin Klein dress was a wake up call.  So I made a deal with myself - that I would venture outside of my comfort zone and wear the dress if I hit the 21% goal. 

But the goal was established with an unrealistic timeline again - and I missed it yet again.  I didn't care how close I came - instead just asking for either yes or no.  I spent the entire session, not knowing how close I came.  A second failure really took an impact on my mind... I refused to acknowledge the success I did have (12 lbs and 7 inches lost). I really wanted to quit at this point - how could I even go into work when my closest co-workers would learn that I failed again.

So how did I get past that 2nd failure? I took a quote I had read - "Fake it until your mind matches" - and made myself wear the red dress to work.  I had never owned a size 4 before in my life!  The reactions and responses from coworkers became the external validation I was looking for that proved I was making positive progress! 

How do I set goals today?  I have added fitness achievement goals to the mix in addition to the body composition.  I'm looking forward to my 2nd Half Marathon in early December, to see if I can beat my personal record.




 

Finding vs. Creating

Life isn't about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself.

I heard this quote recently during a Women's Leadership Conference and it made me think...
Yep - when I do start thinking, my mind tends to wonder into many different areas - it's kind of a game - 6 degrees of separation - trying to figure out how I went from one thought to the last.

But as I pondered the statement, my initial reaction was "Wow! I have been thinking the wrong way!"  Here's how I interpreted the quote: 

Don't let the past define your current self; it's the decisions you make on a daily basis that create the person you currently are...  Are you in control or are your surroundings in control (i.e. excuses)?

Aww... Control - something I love!  Now, sometimes I use control to not face my fears, but we won't cover that today.  This is the control you have in your decisions and choices you make every day. 

How your choose to see the world is a conscience decision...

How you choose to spend your time... (exercise or no exercise)

What you choose to eat... (healthy or unhealthy)

We will come back to this topic again - as I continue to assess how to change my own way of thinking and use this to develop the next set of goals and overcome fears. 

So from this day forward, I will focus every decision on how it creates the person I want to be...

What are you doing?

I get this question frequently - if I actually admitted (with full disclosure) everything I am doing today in my journey - it would scare even the most athletic.  Why? I can admit that I am now an addict - I definitely show signs of an obsessive disorder (that's a topic for another blog...).  But I didn't start off that way...  I made small changes along the way. Remember that a journey begins with one step...

If you have read my Weightloss Journey, than you know that food is 70% of the weightloss equation.  So start with the thing with the biggest payback (i.e. Faster Results). Does this mean extreme dieting? No.  Here's how I started my Healthy Eating change one step at a time:

• Portion Sizes
• Track Calories using www.myfitnesspal.com
• Limit Calories to 1700 a day
• Limit Calories to 1500 a day
• Limit Calories to 1300 a day

I didn't start eliminating food from my diet until I started decreasing the amount of calories allowed per day.  Things I eliminated at the beginning? Sodas and other empty calorie drinks. I never said No to something I wanted - but I would eat a smaller portion. 

What did I learn? Because I became more aware of the calories and portion sizes - my thinking started to change.  Instead of mindless eating, everything became a decision - was it worth the calories? One decision at a time = one step at a time. 

I loved the myfitnesspal tool on my iPhone - I was able to make wise choices while ordering food or before I ate it.  I once even used it while in the drive-through lane of a fast food restaurant! I know there are other tools used to log food - but for me they didn't work because I was logging after the fact.  In order to truely change behavior/thinking, than it has to be something done at the point in time the decision is made.

Here's a quote I found that fits this for me:

When we are sure that we are on the right road there is no need to plan our journey too far ahead. No need to burden ourselves with doubts and fears as to the obstacles that may bar our progress. We cannot take more than one step at a time.

Will you be perfect along the way with your diet? No - we are human.  It's getting back up and making another step in the right direction that makes the difference. You can do this!

One meal at a time...

One day at a time...

One week at a time...

If you think you can't...

So how did I come up with the title for my blog? Well - Let me tell you a little bit more about me...

Currently in my job, I work for a Fortune 100 company as a specialist in Human Resources, specifically the area of Change Leadership or Change Management. What does that mean? As companies roll out new technologies, processes, or systems, my job is to anticipate the people side of the change.  This includes looking for potential areas of resistance, creating persuasive communications, training, etc...  Not to get too technical in jargon - I am considered an expert in Change. So I know that behavior and culture are the two hardest things to change without compelling reasons.

It was ironic that I had all the tools and knowledge at my disposal on how to make difficult changes stick. It was time for the physician to heal thyself!

Hmm...Compelling Reason.  We've all made new years resolutions or commitments to change (lose weight, get fit, eat healthier, etc...) and failed.  Instead of looking at all the reasons why failure happened - let's look at it differently

Were you changing for the right reason?

Was that reason compelling enough?

One of the things I have learned in my job when faced with potential resistance - is to ask why?  I like to call it the Five Why game - keep asking yourself why until you get to the real reason.  Here's my Five Whys:

Statement: I need to lose weight and get in shape

Why?  So I'm not embarrassed by pictures

Why? So my kids have something to look back at and be proud of

Why? I am not being a good role model for my children

Why? I am not being the best parent or spouse

Why? I don't like myself

So if you think you can't change, you won't.  Get to the right reason - that compelling reason that forces you to be uncomfortable by staying the same - and start thinking you can - because you have to...

P.S. Want to have a little fun? Try the Five Why game with your kids or spouse... :-)

Where my story begins...

How do you start your first blog? That may be a laughable comment - anyone who knows me, knows that there are "lots" of things swirling in my head at any one given time.  Yes - some days you can see my mental disorders well - and others days, I am successful at hiding them.

Now on to the real topic - my weight loss journey.  As I stated above in the information section, I am starting this blog after successfully losing over 100 pounds.  Why now? Well, there are lots of things going on in my head and reconciling them will be another journey.  I am by nature an introspective person, so I'm letting it all out on this blog.

Another reason for this blog is to share my story with others.  If it inspires just one person to transform their lives, than I will have done the right thing.  I've been asked "how" so many times - this is a perfect way to reflect on the journey and share the steps, decisions, and changes made to get to this point.

Hope you enjoy the stories - if all else you can smile at my mental humor.