That voice in my head...

I started this blog to share with you my struggles with weightloss - the mental side. It's the mental side that stops many people from even starting and it's a mental struggle during the process. 

"You make excuses to avoid facing your fears. And you end up with a life that's unfulfilling, because you miss out on the satisfaction that only comes from tackling something hard."

Little did I know starting my weightloss journey that it would become something bigger - my quest for reaching my real potential.  But I had to start with being aware of and tackling self-limiting thoughts and behaviors. For me it was that little voice in your head that tells you what you can/can't have, who you can/can't be, or what you can/can't do - whether from my own preconceived thoughts, unrealistic expectations, or irrational beliefs.

I let negative thoughts keep me from being successful at weightloss for too many years - here were some of the thoughts I let keep me from changing.

- It will take too much time, too much effort
- I have to take care of everyone else first, I can't be selfish (Kids, Spouse)
- I don't know how to exercise properly - I was never athletic

Two of those thoughts could easily be overcame with knowledge and a plan.  But one of those would require me to thinking differently. 

I was raised watching other mothers sacrifice for their children/spouses - it was ingrained in my thoughts as an expectation and definition of a good mother.  I choose to remember certain aspects of my ancestery that were shaped from the point of view of a child (flawed perception).  That may also be because my family currently is so completely disfunctional - that I choose to remember the good memories. 

Here's where pictures come into play - I value every picture that I have and the stories they tell, especially of my grandmother and great-grandmother.  I was privileged to be able to build memorial videos for loved ones and will always remember the bonding and healthy grieving we shared as a family during that time.  As my oldest is approaching 18 and high school graduation, I have been working on compiling photos from his entire childhood to build a video for him.  In this process, I realized that I was not proud of the pictures.

So - I had an "aha moment" and changed my way of thinking - I wasn't failing them by being selfish and taking time to take care of myself.  I was failing them by not providing pictures with experiences and lessons. I was failing them by being an unhealthy, unhappy, stressed parent and role model.  I was failing them by not living a life that showed balance.  In that moment, I was more afraid of staying the same and thinking that my daughter would follow in my shoes. 

I'm still struggling to overcome other self-limiting thoughts and behaviors on a daily basis... and will share those soon.  Thanks for reading.