A simple smile...

Sometimes I get inspiration for my mental ramblings from the least likely places...a comment from a friend - and then pause for deep reflection... and inspiration to share my craziness with you!

"You haven't lost your smile at all, it's right under your nose. You just forgot it was there."

If you read my earlier post about my struggle with self-image, you may recall that the "overly dramatic" exercise of comparing before and after pictures produced an interesting result - recognizing the difference in my smile.  So now months later - it is the most distinguishing factor in this transformation - appreciating a real, genuine smile that reflects my outlook on life.

Some may find this funny - but I have always been insecure about my smile - see... it's crooked. And the bigger my smile - the more noticeable that was.  A crooked smile might be cute on a little kid - but not a teenager, or and adult.  So that's where it started... limiting my smile to not expose a self-perceived flaw!

Right now I'm laughing at myself - seeing a recurring theme here... limits - fear of failure - self-perceived flaws... WOW - it really did permeate my life.

Sept 2008 with daughter Emily

January 2011 - SMILE - Life is good!

What really makes me smile...

I recognize in the before picture - how unhappy I really was... and this journey has taught me a lot.  I could try and tell you all the ways my life has changed - but my smile says it all.

So right now - my smile - has given me a new outlet for Living Out Loud - without saying a single word!

A real smile is a powerful tool - to show the world the qualities that make you beautiful on the inside.  A smile gives others an invitation to get to know you.

• My smile is beautiful
• My smile is contagious
• My smile inspires others and gets bigger when I think about how far the smiles in my before/after pictures have traveled inspiring others
• Someone out there will fall in love with my smile
• I smile when no one else is around - and I know I'm happy
• I smile when life gets difficult - after this journey - I know I can get through anything

Making myself...

Well - it all started with rewarding myself with new athletic clothes - something I've learned to love with the weight loss... buying all those cute capris, shorts, tops, and - the best - shoes.  I've dabbled with other brands - but I'm a Nike Girl at heart.  Why? Nike Attitude T-Shirts.  They power my attitude for the day - make me smile - and I wear them with pride!  Marketing at its best - I am loyal because I can connect with the brand on an emotional level...

Then I found the Nike Women Make Yourself campaign....
"You've taken the first step toward becoming the best version of yourself. Now's your chance to put a stake in the sand for what you're working toward. Declare how you're Making Yourself below to motivate and inspire Nike Women everywhere."

So - I posted my declaration:

And then Nike came calling... impressed by my declaration and wanting to feature me on their page.
I was flattered, honored - and then scared.  While I know the impact that exercise and attitude has had on my life... Could I put it into words well enough? Was I really ready to have over 590,000 others view my story (yep - still insecure and doubting myself)?  How could I expect anything less than perfection on my part?

So what does a perfectionist with unrealistic expectations and self-doubt do? Avoidance, procrastination, and denial... On Saturday - I tried a new class at my local 24Hr Fitness - believe it or not...It was Nike Fit Club Boot Camp - and everyone got a free t-shirt for trying.  The T-Shirt? "Make Yourself" - seriously... a sign?

So - now I'm practicing my declaration of not being afraid and knocking this task out - one that I am completely honored to have been selected for... Time to share the story of how I made myself...
Even now as I am writing - I feel the knots in my stomach - nervous and insecure. But if you read my last blog - experiencing real emotions are a part of the journey to discover my full potential.

What have I really made of myself during this journey? Courage to accept life without knowing all the answers.  Strength to keep making progress on this journey no matter the obstacles. A new satisfaction with life and its accomplishments - knowing that I can inspire changes in others and be a good role model for my children. 

Let's try this again... what have I really made of myself?  A person who I am not ashamed of... A person who I am proud of... A person I love.

Life with No Strings Attached

I want to revisit a topic - because it keeps rearing its ugly head at me: Self-Limiting Behavior.
Now why would I think that just because I recognized this issue and successfully overcame it in a couple of instances that I somehow have won the battle - Oh yeah...unrealistic expectations... 

Behavior - in it's purest form is something that is repeated over time.  I must repeat the desired outcome over and over again to ultimately change.  Change is such a powerful thing.  It's that point when the old ceases and the new becomes permanent.  Permanent... that's the key - until its permanent - change isn't complete. The journey isn't complete. And that's the way I need to look at this - I'm still in the journey - to realize my fullest potential in life.

But remember, I am an overachiever who has the tendency to set unrealistic goals and expectations - why would I ever have the patience for a journey of this magnitude or be able to check my ego at the door?  Which might explain why I am better at challenges - it has a clear end and then off to the next one.  If I am going to reach my full potential - it's time to embrace and appreciate the journey. 

And then the moment of insight - I think I am afraid of the journey. I think I am afraid of who I might be at the end of the journey - I think I am afraid of the regret I will feel at the end - of the life I might have missed.

See...self-limiting behavior and it's freakin' ugly head...   Even now I am attaching "strings" to everything (expectations, conditions, rules, etc...) so that I would limit myself from the real emotions - because of fear.

So far in this journey - I have experienced life in ways that have expanded my thoughts, experiences, emotions, and of course - new expectations. I've gone from living my life in my own head, to having real relationships with friends and family.  Letting go of fears that I'm not worthy of love to enjoying sharing my thoughts and feelings.  Living out loud isn't always easy - it's a paradox that must be embraced - to feel vulnerable, sad, fragile and secure, elated, and powerful.

And my journey continues... but with no strings attached!

There is only one you for all time. Fearlessly be yourself.