Hard not to regret...

Okay - almost 18 months after recongizing success in weightloss - I still struggle on a daily basis with regret. It's the one piece that's keeping me from completely moving forward...

It's not regret that I didn't lose the weight before - it's regret in a previous relationship that resulted in years of losing myself. It took this long for me to realize how I completely lost track of my own identity...

Years of putting aside my own goals and dreams, never exploring my own favorite activities and closest friends, as far as sacrificing my taste in music and movies, and even altering my religious and political beliefs.
Years of accommodating everyone around me - to keep the peace.  Instead, I realize I completely lost myself in the process.

I don't know the answer... every day I rediscover some aspect of myself, I also regret why I waited so long. A friend left me a quote - "look back at your past only long enough to know what you want for the future..."

Engaging Fully in Life...

As certain dates come and go on the calendar, I find myself reflecting over the past year.  A year ago I met someone who ultimately helped me realize what living a happy life meant.

As I was struggling to figure out what to get my husband for Valentine's/Anniversary of our first date - I had the brilliant idea to make him a calendar with photos.  Who knew that exercise of selecting pictures over each month would result in a moment of enlightment.

Every month there were special memories all captured in pictures.  And as I reflected back - my thoughts went from - wow! what a busy year... to did we really do all that in a short period of time?  My moment of enlightment? I love my life! This is what living is all about.

Partly because I compared the past year to previous years - and just like the movie Groundhog Day - there were years where everything was a blur - why? Because I wasn't living life fully engaged - just going through the motions of what I thought was expected of me.

I love that last year was the busiest, craziest year of my life - and I can't wait for more of them... and while I think I should slow down on fitness activities (marathons, half marathons, triatholons) - I realize that is what makes life full for me.  I'm still in Drive - Fully engaged!

My own version of happily ever after....

Happily ever after - fitting thought after returning from the most magical place on earth with fairy tale princesses at every corner.

But happily after what?
- After clearing the bad relationships from my life?
- After achieving a certain project at work?
- After hitting goal weight?
- After completing my first triathlon?
- After running my first marathon?
- After completing the Goofy Challenge?

I've spent too long working on "things" that I think will make me happy.
Kind of goes back to the previous post - losing focus on the journey and hoping the destination will somehow make me happy.

But happiness comes from how I feel, what I think.
So Happily Every After is a daily activity - my outlook, my reaction, my thoughts.

Neglect and Final Destinations

Yes - it's been a very long time since I posted anything here.
Why?  Hmmm - that answer is complicated - let's just say it might offer many more postings in the near future.  So I have neglected this site, struggling with pleasing everyone, frustrated by lack of inspiration, frantically searching for motivation to continue the journey.

So what have I been up to since I last posted? Honestly, not anything I can vaguely remember as significant.
Seemed lost - going through the motions of life - regained a little weight, adapting to changes, but bottling up emotions to maintain appearance of everything all good.  Probably why there weren't many posts - you can't fake writing about what's in your head.

So - my mindless meandering through the Internet - looking for something to represent my latest running achievements and came across this...

Focus on the Journey... Not the Destination

I just finished my first marathon in December and the Goofy Challenge (39.3 miles) in January and I'm struggling to feel a sense of accomplishment.  The quote sums it up - I was so focused on the destination, the finish line - that I lost any sense of the journey leading up to those two events.  The races themselves seemed surreal.

So - back to the drawing board - must tell myself every day to Focus on the Journey...