The tortoise and the hare... my life is a fable

I know it's been a while again. I could do this like confession and pray for forgiveness, but honestly, I've just lacked focus for the last few months. But, inspiration can come in the most random series of thoughts.  Let's see if you can follow my mental ramblings...

I was sitting at my computer stressing about life. How a recent bicycle wreck and injury are messing up with my plans - causing delays... and the thought that crosses my mind was - "I don't like being slowed down."
I have plans and goals with timelines... I don't like not knowing the details...  I don't have patience...   I have unrealistic expectations...

So the next thought deviation was contemplating the difference between "slow, steady, and deliberate" and "fast, inconsistent and hastily." And then that inspirational thought - Oh! Like the Tortoise and the Hare story....

The hare with his foolish overconfidence, napping in the middle of a race.... have I been acting that way? Well - if I choose to live out loud - than I must confess.... I have been a little overconfident, that I can easily tackle any challenge.  But my real fault is thinking that because I successfully changed myself - that all change from this point forward would be easy. So I might have been taking on change - full speed ahead.  Change is never easy if your head isn't in the game and you don't fully understand the journey required. Oh - and the people around you may not be ready for change at hyper-speed!

Triathlons - that was my next athletic hurdle.  Man - did I ever underestimate the focus and training it would require.  And it is hard to admit that I couldn't easily learn two new things (well - at least according to my unrealistic timelines).  I thought raw talent and past successes alone would be enough.  The past few months I have been frustrated that life got in the way and caused me to delay that first triathlon... My strategy to solve this?  More training time means shorter learning curve...

But life had a different plan for me - or a different lesson to learn.  Overconfident in ability and taking life a little too fast... can result in a nice bike wreck. Injury can definitely slow you down...

So time to erase the board and start over on goals... I have to remind myself  - no matter what the speed - the tortoise was always moving ahead. Steady pace... Patience.... Persistence... Perserverance...

"Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did." Newt Gingrich

It's like someone finally turned on the lights...

I know...it's been a while since I last blogged.  Life has been BUSY - and I was obviously missing inspirational writing opportunities by losing focus on the chaos of everyday.  But - here's my latest mental ramblings - it's an emotional week for me - getting ready for another half marathon... I am determined to hit my goal of under 2 hours.

So... in reflecting over the past year, assessing where I can make changes to hit my goal, recognizing my weaknesses, and overall getting my head ready for this race... I am amazed by the fact that I am about to run my 6th race in 5 months... 4th Half Marathon in 5 months! If you would have told me a year ago that I would do these things... I would have laughed. 

The person I am today - is soo far from what I used to be... a friend put it best - she said "It's like someone finally turned on the light in you..."  Okay...now the emotional part - think about that... night and day difference in the person people see me as...  Did I really live life in the dark?

YES! When I look at the life I live now, the experiences, the relationships, how I feel about myself - I feel like my past was dark - pitch black.  Why? Well - wouldn't I make a fortune if I knew an answer that could change everyone's lives...

Here's my answer - what it was for me - and it all starts with a lack of self-confidence.  A lack of self-confidence caused a life with guilt, unrealistic expectations of perfection (yep...that's me...), fear of change, fear of making mistakes, fear that others wouldn't like me...  In all of that - I lived a life that wasn't mine...

"Don't wait until everything is just right.  It will never be perfect.  There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions.  So what.  Get started now.  With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful."

So - now the light has been turned on - I can see the world and opportunities that exist.  But I can also see myself.  But that's a topic for another blog - rediscovering the person that was there the whole time...
I'm glad I have new sunglasses to see this bright and shining world! So... Rock 'n Roll Dallas - watch out - this girl is ready to run!

"Self-confidence is knowing that we have the capacity to do something good
and firmly decide not to give up."  Dalai Lama

Whoa! I think I'm starting to get it....Balance & Harmony

I think I just had one of those moments where I realized my obstinate self is finally giving in...

This past weekend I endeavored on my 3rd Half Marathon - Cowtown in Fort Worth.
After the success in hitting a PR at White Rock in December and PR pace for the 15K in January... I set a goal for another PR (personal record for those non-runners).  I wanted 10 minutes faster than White Rock - that's wasn't unrealistic (hehe...yep me and unrealistic expectations).

I trained for the increased pace and endurance at that pace... I was ready. I was excited. I looked forward to another personal achievement in a string of good things I was recently experiencing... This was to be the first event in a string of events over the next 4 weeks - including my first triathlon.

But it didn't happen - life seemed to get in the way of my intentions. Around mile 7, I realized I wasn't going to hit my goal.  Did I give up? Yes and No.... Yes - I did give up if you think that I didn't push myself harder to reach the goal.  But from my rationalizations - it wasn't giving up - it was being smart and conservative in order to be ready for the next 2 events.  So I still finished at 2:16... with walking more of the course than I intended.

My old self would have beat herself up for not achieving the goal... and there are some things I did prior to the race I shouldn't have - I accept responsibility for those bad choices (fried pickles & jalapeno poppers at 9pm before race day... less than 3 hrs sleep on race night).  BUT.....

When I really went back and reflected on the journey to this race, I realized that I think I'm starting to get it... I didn't cry over the missed goal - I didn't cause drama for those around me (haha) - I wasn't in a bad mood.
My attitude over the missed goal had changed.... does this mean I'm finally changing?

What changed? I loved the journey to the race and the experience itself... I love that I have inspired 3 others to run with me - MY TEAM! And I wouldn't change the fun we experienced that weekend for a PR... I will never forget our 5am workouts. I will never forget eating fried pickles, carrot cake, and pecan pie in the Stockyards at 9pm before a 7am race. I will never forget crossing the finish line with my brother beside me (his first half marathon).  I will never forget my partner in crime realizing SHE BEAT ME (her first half marathon)! I will never forget my daughter getting to experience this race with all of us!

Cowtown Half Marathon - February 2011 - MY TEAM!!!!

No more focusing entirely on pursuing goals - I don't want to miss life! And that's when I realized that I am starting to learn balance... to value what's really important in life.

But I want to change my new years resolution from achieving balance to achieving harmony.  One person on their own can achieve balance. But real harmony requires everyone around you - value the relationships that bring out the best in you!

Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony. Thomas Merton