2010's Final Run... Lessons I have learned

I've been contemplating the last blog for 2010 for some time. How do I summarize this year? How do I acknowledge the success while still feeling like it's not completed? How can I celebrate the successes when I know my hardest battle is ahead of me?

And then I was discouraged in this morning's gym time, I lacked the mental and emotional energy to do what I know I am able to do... struggled to run on the treadmill, struggled with strength training, couldn't focus while even stretching. But then a friend posted something on Facebook to encourage me, to get me out of my funk... and not an old friend who has followed me through this journey - a new friend.  And that made me smile...then I played the video - two things stuck with me - Smile and Sunshine.

So, it's December 31st in Dallas and 62 degrees with sunshine (although a little windy) - I decided to take my final outside run for the year. And the moment of clarity came when I started remembering back to those first few times running in my neighborhood...

I remember that first run and telling myself - one day I want to be able to run the entire length.  But when we started, I focused on running the length of a telephone pole and walk the next one...slowly increasing and building the length.  Today - I went to run that entire length again.  I could have ran it with the wind pushing me - but instead chose to run into the wind. And that's when I realized what I have learned over the past year with running...

1. Set a goal and tackle it in chunks. Being overly ambitious can bring frustration.
2. Outside air and sunshine make even the most unpleasant tasks easier.
3. Take life one step at a time - whether that step is limping, walking, jogging, or sprinting...just take that step forward.  Hey - It's even okay if someone is helping to carry you that step forward!
4. Run into the wind - it will only make you stronger.
5. Running needs a positive, determined, and resilient attitude - So does life.
6. Register for that Race! Hearing complete strangers cheer you on is amazing...
7. Great friendships are developed with running partners. Friendships who offer encouragement and support - friends who can say just the right thing to motivate you to keep going (or motivate you to show up)!
8. New tennis shoes or running apparel are great motivators.  It's fun how something as small as a new white jacket can somehow make me run faster!
9. Don't think - Just breathe and do it! Lose yourself in the moment...For me, I had to learn to get my brain to check out and trust that my body is capable of doing this...
10. You will never experience anything in life like crossing a Finish Line! Whether it's that first finish line or a finish line with a new personal best record... and you never know what's waiting for you at the finish line...

So, now I'm ready to tackle 2011.  What's in store?  Well - now I'm adding to the running partners as we tackle a few more 1/2 marathons...and we will conquer our first triathlons while also preparing for our first marathon in January 2012 at Walt Disney World!

Enabling your own success...

Okay - lately it's been a reflective time during my journey over the past year - and I will let go of something I have held in my head for some time...  This is me stepping outside of my controlled boundaries and sharing how I am really feeling.


I am codependent and an enabler. Pure and simple.  It was the only way I would feel good about myself - to "take care of" or  "save" others.  I know this is a learned behavior that CAN BE changed! So - I am facing this behavior head on...although not everyone around me is liking this.

How am I tackling this? Awareness of Behavior Traits, Understanding my own Thought Processes, Creating Healthy Experiences.

Awareness of Behavior - This is by no means an exhaustive list of all my craziness! But which behaviors I am emotionally connected to at the moment...

• Give Too Much
• Anticipate other people's needs
• Feel safest when giving.
• Feel insecure and guilty when somebody gives to them.
• Low Self Worth
• Reject compliments or praise
• Think they're not quite good enough.
• Settle for being needed.
• Repress Emotions
• Push their thoughts and feelings out of their awareness because of fear and guilt
• Become afraid to let themselves be who they are
• Appear rigid and controlled
• Stay busy so they don't have to think about things
• Wonder why they feel like they're going crazy
• Have a difficult time expressing their emotions honestly, openly, and appropriately
• Relationships with Others
• Look for happiness outside themselves
• Act out of a sincere, if misguided, sense of love and loyalty
• Often seek love from people incapable of loving
• Try to prove they're good enough to be loved
• Lost interest in their own lives when they love
• Stay in relationships that don't work

I'll let you know how the rest of the process works out... Understanding my own thought processes is going to take some deep digging.  But even the act of posting this is recognizing my fear of showing my true emotions and experiencing the ability to breathe with a clear mind over that...

I accept responsibility for my own thoughts, emotions, reactions, behaviors - and ultimately my own happiness!

Be Honest with Yourself...

It's been a while since my last posting, still working through this journey of creating the person I want to be... In learning to like myself, I have to be willing to let go of enabling tendencies and confront those self-esteem issues head on. I came across an interesting concept - emotional honesty.
Emotional dishonesty is when we do and say things that are not true to what we feel within our hearts - we are being deceitful to ourselves.

If you think about relationships whether work, marriage, or family - honesty and trust are foundations for healthy relationships.  In working on that relationship you have with yourself - are you being honest about your own emotions? My answer - was no. 

I have been emotionally dishonest in order to protect myself from feeling real pain/heartache and also because I was ashamed of myself (my weight). It was easier to detach myself from the situation than to feel the real emotions I should have...and this has been a continuous. 

So before I can learn to like myself - I need to be honest. Honest with myself about how I feel in certain situations, honest with myself about my strengths, and honest with how I truly feel about this person I am. So my first honest acknowledgement - I am a really screwed up person! I knew I was crazy...but now I can smile when I admit it to myself!

If you can't be honest with yourself, you can never reach the self-realization you need to in order to embrace change.  This is part of getting the head right - so you can be successful at weightloss.  Be honest with yourself on why you weren't able to stick to a plan, be honest with yourself why you quit trying, be honest with yourself about the support you need to stay motivated, be honest with yourself why you want to change.