Reflecting on my journey... a year later...

Okay - so Facebook likes to show you what was on your mind a year ago by displaying your status update...

August 28, 2010 - "Cleaning out the closet today... hoping for mental clarity"
Lots of things went through my head at that moment...

• Seriously? It's been a year already? 
• WOW! I never expected this much change in search of mental clarity.
• How many times have I cleaned out my closet since then? What else have I cleaned out hoping for mental clarity?
• Do I really have mental clarity today?

A year ago I unveiled my weightloss and realized that there was still a lot of work ahead - learning more about myself along the way. 

Of course, I could spend this blog focusing on the challenges over the past year. But those are all documented in other postings - so I make this more like a celebration!

Or my typical mental self could focus on self-improvement in search of mental clarity... but I choose to appreciate the journey and not antogonize myself with perfection. This truly has been a lifestyle change and I am a different person because of this journey...

But the journey is never over - so here's a toast to this milestone!

• Challenging or Pushing yourself is important for continuous self-improvement, but achieving balance and harmony in life is where happiness happens.
• You can't love someone until you love yourself unconditionally.
• Don't waste time regretting the past - learn from it.
• Ego and Pride can make for a nasty bike wreck.
• You don't have to go on this journey alone - others have traveled the same road.
• Give back and help others who are starting out on their journey.
• I am an athlete because I pushed myself past self-imposed limits.
• I am a triathlete because someone was a true partner and encouraged me along the way.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage....
Life expands exponentially when someone is beside you during moments of courage.



A Bike and a Bulldozer...

Yes - still on the recent bike injury and recovery...
Despite the success I had in 2010, right now I feel disappointed - in my life, achievement to goals, and with myself.

As I get ready to be medically released, I don't know what I expected.  Knew I wouldn't be back to the way I was before the accident, but didn't expect where I am today.  And I am in shock that my attitude can flip from confident to insecure. Feeling insecure just makes me doubt the success - did I really achieve anything?

Most injured athletes agree that keeping one’s mental balance is both the hardest and the most important aspect of recovery and well-being. But I'm not a real athlete...my livelihood isn't dependent on my recovery.  UGHHHH....

So - my challenge is how to maintain perspective when my mind is making mincemeat of my confidence and future goals.  See - there's me and that goal thing again... now it's a sense of uncertainty that I will really have any more goals for the future.  So because I couldn't make this goal of completing a triathlon, should I give up on all goals? Better yet - will I ever get on the bike again.

Why am I letting this bother me? Because up to this point, I really didn't have any problems that I couldn't just "bulldoze" my way through.  I kept my head down and just pushed ahead - sometimes at unsafe speeds...

I thought I had made the approriate reflection time during recovery, but as I try to get back into the groove - I can't just pick up where I left off.  I can't do the same things, my body hurts more, oh... and dieting is harder. 

As the message gets stronger, so the journey continues - self-acceptance.  Time for me to learn to accept who I am and where I am today. I'll trade the bulldozer to be a better mom... but the bike - well... I guess stay tuned. 

New approach to being fearless...

Sometimes my best inspiration comes 30,000 feet in the air - the best time to think and reflect.

Since the bike wreck in April and shoulder surgery in May, I've struggled with life. I've never been stopped like that, everything around me came to a stop - work, kids, friends, and love life. Well, as I write this, I'm laughing thinking those things came to a crashing halt just like that day on the bike.

So why did I have a bike wreck? Carelessness, not admitting lack of experience, pushing limits without skills. Oh - and maybe I was going too fast. Me? Taking on life too fast? Never....
It's okay as long as I keep telling myself it's to be fearless right?

Was I taking the wrong approach when trying to live fearlessly? I told myself that I was going to find out my true limits - keep pushing until I just couldn't. But why? Was there something to be achieved by doing this? Was I being too hard on myself seeking perfection? Yes - this does seem to fall in line with unrealistic expectations I tend to have for myself.

And I think back on change - a quote I gave a friend. "All things change and we change with them."

Had I given myself enough time to absorb what all I had changed in my life? Had I paid enough attention to those around me and the impact of the change I imposed on them. I was selfish to assume I could continue at the pace I was - all under the false pretense that proactively pushing limits was wise.

So I have a new definition of what living life fearless means to me. It's not about pushing every limit, testing every self-imposed limit every day. There's a balance between appreciating life's journey and knowing when to challenge yourself to be better. So my goal is to learn to accept life's challenges fearlessly. It's time to enjoy life and never take for granted the loved ones in my life.