Okay - this one will be interesting - mental ramblings from an airplane... Some days I'm just amazed at where my brain can wonder.
I've been stressed a little more than usual lately - and discovered that I'm still guilty of living inside my head. Unrealistic expectations have now moved on to doubt - doubting my own abilities with work, parenting, relationships, friendships, and even fitness. When I was in my weightless journey, it was doubt that kept me from making progress. But I somehow made it through that doubt by taking action... So my mental ramblings questioned why can't I get past this doubt I'm feeling now?
Two theories... Or two branches to my decision tree...
Theory One: Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.
So - in this theory, I wonder if I truly know what my goals are? Weightloss goals were easy to conceptualize - calorie deficit equals weightloss... So what are my goals for everything else? Have I been unbalanced in my goal setting, focusing purely on athletic achievements? Wait a minute? Should I have goals for everything? I sometimes go back and read old blog posts and am amazed that they still apply... Found this quote I used - realized, I know I'm on the right road...
When we are sure that we are on the right road there is no need to plan our journey too far ahead. No need to burden ourselves with doubts and fears as to the obstacles that may bar our progress. We cannot take more than one step at a time.
Theory Two: Transform Fear to Love
Where did love come from? Just follow me... I realized that I'm afraid of failing, afraid Im not completely filling other's expectations of me... And than I found this...
Fear often originates from a sense of not being in control. We use control to manage people and situations that we do not understand or that threaten to expose our lack of self-love.
Ahhhh - that's it... I'm doing this to myself - insecurities, self-imposed inadequacies, lack of self-acceptance, self-limiting beliefs, self-criticism... And this allows me to keep everything in my head - wouldn't want everyone to know I really don't have my life in perfect order.
We need to love more and fear less and for me, that starts with myself...
Monday, May 16, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Resiliency requires patience
Me patient? Never... probably why I keep coming back to this topic. This must obviously be that thing I must overcome in order to find harmony in life. Yep - I'm going to learn this the hard way...
I've really struggled lately - feeling discouraged on my progress to this year's goals, overwhelmed by life's chaos, and in general, uneasy with the unpredictable. Makes a perfect storm for getting discouraged and losing focus on what's really important in life. I just don't want to fail myself after what I have been able to accomplish...
And when my thought processes went there - those were the magic words. What have I been able to accomplish?
Those close to me may be laughing right now - I always hear what you say, but it takes a little longer for me to understand what you say. I know I can be quite stubborn.
So when I start to think about my accomplishments - it always goes back to pictures. So, I'm scrolling through my iPhone pics - and find the first pic of 2011. My training partner in crime and I were determined to start the year right with our triathlon training - we would run, bike, and swim on 1/1/11. In our excitement, the key to the lock was in the locker - and the lock had to be cut open.
I may have set wildly unrealistic expectations on what I could accomplish this year. Did I really think I could complete 7 triathlons this year, in addition to 6 more half marathons and a full marathon? Was life going to stand still so I could accomplish this?
Even though hopes for any triathlons are sidelined by injury - I just can't let them go. I know it's denial, but at what point is my determination really just stubbornness. So I kept scrolling through pics from this year - memories from the first 4 months...
I've obviously learned perseverance and persistence to get where I am today in this journey (stubbornness helps I'm sure). But my resilient bounceback didn't come without leaning on a loved one and friends for support. I needed them to help remind me about what's positive at this moment in time, to help put things into perspective.
I wouldn't want to miss anything terrific with my kids, friends, or family. So, I'll be patient with my goals for triathlons - patience isn't giving up, just realizing the timeline needs to adjust.
But I know I will always struggle with high expectations - because I fundamentally believe you become what you expect... so more lessons in patience will be documented in my mental ramblings. Until then - I will just remind myself - patience isn't giving up.
I've really struggled lately - feeling discouraged on my progress to this year's goals, overwhelmed by life's chaos, and in general, uneasy with the unpredictable. Makes a perfect storm for getting discouraged and losing focus on what's really important in life. I just don't want to fail myself after what I have been able to accomplish...
And when my thought processes went there - those were the magic words. What have I been able to accomplish?
Those close to me may be laughing right now - I always hear what you say, but it takes a little longer for me to understand what you say. I know I can be quite stubborn.
So when I start to think about my accomplishments - it always goes back to pictures. So, I'm scrolling through my iPhone pics - and find the first pic of 2011. My training partner in crime and I were determined to start the year right with our triathlon training - we would run, bike, and swim on 1/1/11. In our excitement, the key to the lock was in the locker - and the lock had to be cut open.
And I laughed... I was somehow resilient enough to laugh off this temporary setback in training. I need to look at today the same way. So I went back and found my goal sheet for events for this year - and laughed again.
I may have set wildly unrealistic expectations on what I could accomplish this year. Did I really think I could complete 7 triathlons this year, in addition to 6 more half marathons and a full marathon? Was life going to stand still so I could accomplish this?
Even though hopes for any triathlons are sidelined by injury - I just can't let them go. I know it's denial, but at what point is my determination really just stubbornness. So I kept scrolling through pics from this year - memories from the first 4 months...
- My daughter's first boyfriend (lasted 1 day - it was too much pressure for him)
- My new training partner in crime - officially making the Amy's Victims Wall
- All the pics of the new me - learning to accept this new size
- 15K Race - First race for the trio of girls
- Divorce Final
- Nike Women's Profile
- My favorite hairdresser and introducing my daughter to her many services
- Cowtown 1/2 Marathon - Trio of girls and my baby brother
- Scrapped knees from bike wrecks
- Adding more friends to Amy's Workout Victims wall
- Eating Blazin Hot wings for son's 18th birthday
- Birthday parties with friends
- Rock 'n Roll Half Marathon for the trio - with all my kids in attendance to cheer me on
- School projects with kids
- Friends supporting me after big bike wreck (still laughing at the training wheels)
- A perfect vacation in Cancun
I've obviously learned perseverance and persistence to get where I am today in this journey (stubbornness helps I'm sure). But my resilient bounceback didn't come without leaning on a loved one and friends for support. I needed them to help remind me about what's positive at this moment in time, to help put things into perspective.
I wouldn't want to miss anything terrific with my kids, friends, or family. So, I'll be patient with my goals for triathlons - patience isn't giving up, just realizing the timeline needs to adjust.
But I know I will always struggle with high expectations - because I fundamentally believe you become what you expect... so more lessons in patience will be documented in my mental ramblings. Until then - I will just remind myself - patience isn't giving up.
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